Typhoons and Beginnings

Ramblings of my 3 am thoughts. 

Today, both Moira and Cup of Joe made releases.

Cup of Joe dropped the music video for their song “Bagyo”, while Moira released her song “Umpisa”, this time collaborating with Adie. Both speak of love and heartbreak. One stubbornly clinging to the memories of what once was, the other holding on to the hope of saving a love already fading.

Funny, no? How one is called Typhoon and the other is called Beginning. Because love, in its truest form, is made of suffering and renewal.

And as I listened to both songs over and over again, the lyrics spoke louder than they should have, as if they were telling me something my heart refused to hear: pwede ka na umusad.

(You can let go now.)

In my last entry, I wrote about people who revolve around our lives. This time, though, these songs had me reflecting about the state of my own heart, or, I guess, my own journey in love.

I’ve never been in a relationship, but I have learned how to love.
How to fall head over heels for someone.
To try and try, even when sometimes you know… your efforts are in vain.

Mahirap eh, walang magawa kung gustong gusto mo siya, diba?
Stubborn is the heart, kahit alam mo deep down yung sagot.

And that’s why I found myself appreciating the story telling in Cup of Joe’s music video “Bagyo”. Beyond its narrative and cinematography, what caught my attention the most was seeing the main actor trying to hold onto photographs that had come apart and, desperately trying to hang them back up. It wrecked me. Because how often do we drown ourselves in the memories of someone who once we’re everything to us? How often do we stubbornly cling onto the hope that things can go back to the way they were…?

Maybe that’s why Bagyo hits hard.
Because even after the storm passes, we still drown in the memories of what was, like anchors pulling us down, deeper and deeper.

“Mahirap pigilan ang pusong ikaw bumuo.”
(It’s hard to stop the heart that you once built.) — Cup of Joe, “Bagyo”

There will always be an end to the storm. Or as people like to say “there’s a rainbow after the storm.”

Maybe that’s what Umpisa reminds me of, the sunny days before a storm. The excitement of falling in love, and then the ache that follows when you realize, love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a choice, one that you make every single day.

Sa umpisa lang ba
Laging maganda
Nalimutan ko na yata maging masaya
Hindi na alam
Ang nararamdaman
Ba't parang mag-isa na lang lumalaban

Is it always beautiful in the beginning?
I seem to have forgotten to be happy
I don't know what it feels like anymore
Why does it seem like I'm fighting alone?

I can’t help but find myself reminiscing to the many moments where butterflies flew freely in my stomach, where seeing her smile would always brighten up my day. But the more I chased, the more I realized I was losing a bit of myself.

Ang hirap umibig sa isang tao na alam mo na hanggang kaibigan lang ang turing sa’yo.
Sa unang beses na reject ako, at sa hanggang nanatili tayong magkaibigan…
Akala ko na umusad na ako… pero bakit ganito pa rin ang nararamdam ko?
Bakit marupok pa rin itong puso?
Ang funny, no?

I’d like to think na ginawa ko lahat— na baka sakali, na sana isang araw, mapansin niya rin ako.
Ang hirap naman pala, especially kung napapagod na ang puso.
Sino man ba ako diba? Kaibigan.

Mag-iipon ulit ng ala-ala
Kung sakali man na umalis ka
'Di ka naman natitiis
Hanggang dito na lang ba tayo lagi

Gathering memories again
Just in case you leave
You can't stand it
Are we going to end up like this?

Where am I going with this?
Sometimes, I mean, hindi nga pwede pilitin diba?
Sometimes love just means silently letting go—for your sake.
Should you keep her a friend, guard your heart.

An ate told me this once:

“Continue loving the way you do, selflessly, without expecting anything in return.”

And that’s something that stayed with me ever since.
Because loving someone, through the joys and through the storms, has the power to transform you.
It’s up to you how you deal with the experiences of heartache; I just hope it doesn’t remain in a place of bitterness.

I’ve mentioned this before, but all our experiences allow us to grow.
Love is one of them, and sometimes it’s even the most painful of teachers.
Because real love requires you to die to yourself every day.

To love even when it hurts, and to keep choosing that love, even when it isn’t returned.

Pero, paano kung napagod na ang puso?

Then stop for a while. Because how can you offer that love when you have lost yourself?

When it comes to love, I find that we often and unfairly put people on pedestals. It’s normal, we’re young and just stupidly in love sometimes. But we must be careful, not only with another’s heart, but with our own hearts as well.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know whether to post this or not. Because I’ve never been in a relationship, so who am I to even write about this.. diba?

Pero bahala na.

The ramblings of a man whose heart felt heavy tonight.

Timing nalang ni Lord, magtiwala ka.

Life Unfolds,

Ruddy

Give Bagyo a watch and stream Umpisa ft. Adie! , if you don’t understand the lyrics, here’s the english translation: Bagyo & Umpisa (Though it’s roughly translated)

And para sa mga broken hearted dyan: